My VBA2C Birth Story
HEAR THE STORY ON THE VBAC LINK!🤰🏽
HEAR THE STORY ON THE VBAC LINK!🤰🏽
Please read at your own risk. This story contains miscarriage, the fear tactics used against me, how I really feel about c-sections, and lots of uncomfortable feelings. But also contains joy, and will bring on tears of happiness, sadness, and understanding. Send me a message after or comment below, you are not alone and let others see they are not alone either!
Table of Contents:
The Backstory
The Previous Pregnancies/Labors
The WHY
This Pregnancy/ Labor
What I’ve learned
What I hope for everyone
The Backstory
When I found out I was pregnant again, I was filled with an array of emotions. Personally, we were happy with our boy and girl, only have 3 bedrooms in the house. I also had 2 healthy kids and my 3rd child-the business. How would I continue the business with a big family like this? Id have to stop working again. Id have to put the business on hold (again). I was sad for my professional life. I actually thought that I would miscarriage because every time I had gotten pregnant unplanned, I miscarried (2x- before Lily and after her). But pregnancy kept progressing. As I went along in my pregnancy I became more comfortable with the idea of having another baby. It wasn’t the baby I was worried about. It was everything else. How would I manage 3 kids? How would we afford everything? How would I keep the business going? And of course that question- how could I have ANOTHER abdominal surgery? I did not heal as well with the 2nd surgery and I didn’t want another section. At every appointment, my ob would say- ‘ok lmk when you want to schedule- I don’t want the date you want to be booked’. Call me superstitious but I don’t like picking baby’s birthday. Also the way I conceived this round (nursing, late conception) I thought how can I take baby before he/she is ready. I want baby to come when he/she is fully cooked and ready, on it’s own terms.
I got to a point around the beginning of my second trimester when I started looking things up about vaginal birth after 2 cesarian sections (VBA2C). I realized women actually did this. I asked my doctor- what about a VBA2C- does he do these? He sarcastically said yes-for the women who are in labor and don’t realize it, then get to the hospital too late and they just push the baby out. I said- sign me up for that. Now if you read about my other births (below)- based on my history, my ob wasn’t convinced a vaginal birth was possible for me. He continued to educate me that there are “unnecessary risks”. Risks to me, risks to baby. Which he is right. But there are also risks of another abdominal surgery. No one talks about those risks.
Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a super smart person. I follow my intuition, I studied, I’ve worked hard. I have accomplished hard tasks in my life- passed the PT board exam on the first try, ran 2 half marathons, played sports, pushed myself mentally/physically... I’ve started a business with classes that don’t exist and have helped many parents/their babies. I also successfully pushed to create a sufficient lactation space at my old employer that allows for women to pump- I know it sounds simple but It literally took so many people and so many years for this to be completed. I’m not trying to be boastful. But these are things I told myself when making my decision. T'hat I am strong, and I am able to do tough things. And I don’t think I know more than anyone, just I trust myself and my intuition.
I had previous uncomplicated pregnancies. No pressure issues, no diabetes, nothing really wrong previously or with this current pregnancy. My Ob said im up against 3 factors based on previous pregnancies/labors: didn’t dilate without drugs (so on my own), baby never dropped, and big baby. He called me a “true CPD” which means my baby was too big to fit through my pelvis. When I looked into this- CPD was diagnosed via xray and it was very very rare- like you had to have had rickets as a kid to have this diagnosis. I did not have imaging or rickets..
The turning point for me happened within a week at the end of August, early 3rd trimester. First I consulted with a doula- Renée @tribe_of_mine. We had a zoom chat. I told her about my other births and that I just wanted a chance to have a vaginal birth. If it didn’t happen, whatever.. but this was my last chance. I wanted to try. She said to me something ill never forget. That she had complete faith in my body’s ability to birth a child naturally. This is something no one, NOONE ever said to me. I was just told- your babies are too big, or your babies never dropped, or you didn’t dilate. I was kinda taken aback. She believed I could do it. I had my own intuition leading me down a path, but her words inspired me to run down that path, to believe in myself and put in the work. Leave no stone unturned.
Secondly- my cousin had a successful VBAC with her 4th kiddo later that week. My cousin is my heart and soul. She believed in me and she inspired me that I could do it too. So that is what led me towards the intention of having a successful VBA2C.
The Previous Pregnancies/Labors
To go forward I have to take you back to my other births/pregnancies. With my first pregnancy- was uncomplicated. Baby was measuring big the whole time. I was 5 days late, was a Tuesday night, with plans to be induced the next morning. Started having what felt like period cramps that night, after we read “if you give a mouse a cookie”- reading to baby to prompt it to come out .. haha silly me babies come when they are ready! I tried a few things sporadically to get things moving but didn’t really work. Cramps picked up, thought I was in labor, went to hospital 3am.. 3 cm dilated. Was given Spinal epidural, IV Pitocin. I slept in the bed playing puzzle on my ipad or sleeping. Around 12pm I was 10 cm. started pushing after they turned the IV off. I pushed on my back with my hips/knees at 90 degrees for 2 hours. She never dropped. I just remember wanting to get up and move. But I wasn’t allowed by the staff. Gave me epidural to numb again and relax an hour. Then pushed another hour. No food, only ice chips *in case in needed a section* since before I came to the hospital at 3am.
I remember my doc left, came back and said how the girl across the hall pushed her baby out in 2 pushes. Which I then gave him the finger (im not joking but we did joke about it after). I pushed another hour and no change. By the end of it I was agreeing/asking for the section. I remember thinking this is the worst and best day of my life. I was in and out during the surgery. They put babys face next to mine. Cheapest skin to skin there is right ? I tear up thinking about this moment. At the time, I did the best with the information I had and the circumstance. My baby was healthy, I was healthy. That’s all that matters right ? Postpartum, I remember a week in, my stitches opened & I had to lay in the bed with my husband bringing baby to me. I remember she was not the best nurser- we would sit for hours. But she was gaining weight so that was all that matters, right?
After I stopped nursing, 2 months later got pregnant, but miscarried at 8 weeks. My ob actually called me a few times while it was happening to check on me, a very kind gesture that showed me that he did care.
Fast forward to 2nd viable pregnancy. Another healthy pregnancy, big baby. My ob said I could VBAC. I took a course on stages of labor and how to move and all of this. I was home, the cramping began in the morning like 6 am, but things slowed/tapered off by the evening. I was in touch with the OB all day and he said to come into the hospital to get checked. So I did. 0cm dilated. And he said to me, Something like- what are you going to do- keep contracting on an old uterine scar and something bad happen ? So this scared me. I was in labor all day- bouncing on the ball, doing my asymmetrical movements, etc but labor seemed to be slowing. What more could I do? Thus, 2nd c-section occurred. Another tale of “healthy mom, healthy baby” yeah maybe physically but what about emotionally and mentally?
Postpartum was harder for me to stand and move this time. Meanwhile I had a 2.5 year old at home. Had to use my grandmothers bed rail AGAIN. Had to have my husband help me get up AGAIN. Baby nursed not very well, I even went to a lactation consultant and PT friend to help me with his latch/suck.
Now after 2 cesarian sections, a healthy boy and healthy girl- my husband and I felt done. But God had other plans. It was a joke that my grandmother reincarnated herself with my 3rd pregnancy. And after this journey for my vaginal birth, I know it was her allowing me to experience this. Allowing me to share it with you here. I am blessed.
The Why
There is a little voice inside us all. Or maybe it’s a feeling. This gut feeling, or our intuition, encourages/ guides us in our lives. I feel this intuition a lot as a mom and even a therapist. I mention it above that I don’t think I’m smart, I just trust my gut. It is the same with this experience. I felt like, for me, I could have a vaginal birth. My intuition led me to Renèe. My intuition told me that I could do this. I am a PT- conservative treatment is what we live by- not surgery. I am an athlete, labor is an athletic event- I could do that! I felt like if I wasn’t on my back during labor with lily, I could’ve moved and she would’ve dropped and came out. I didn’t have a true CPD because I didn’t have rickets as a child. Lots of women had big babies vaginally. I wanted to move, I wanted to labor as only I labored. I am strong- I HAD to try.
I wanted my golden hour. To push baby out and put it on my chest for real skin to skin. To see how baby looked when first coming out and my husband to cut the cord. I wanted to nurse the baby right away for immediate bonding. To me, this experience is the start of motherhood, the immediate earth side relationship of mother and baby. I didn’t want baby wrapped in a towel passed to me- I just hated everything about that initial few hours of birth after section. Seemed so inhuman to me.
This Pregnancy/Labor
To prepare for this labor I did A LOT. Bulleting it for you..
Specific things I did MOST days:
-reading material (Ina mays books, any books about csection- go to the vbac link group on FB and search books- there are so many to choose, I read them on the library app on my phone at night before going to bed).
-6 dates a day from 36 weeks
-1 cup Red raspberry leaf tea from 36 weeks
-Breathing practice from 37 weeks (4 in 8 out, 20 in 20 out, J breath)
-Training my core and pelvic floor to push out a baby correctly all pregnancy
-Miles circuit from 36 weeks
-Curb walking from 36 weeks
-Listened to VBAC Link podcasts & Birthing Instincts podcast from 35 weeks
-Read stories/ posts on the vbac Link community group on Facebook.
-Read my notes, practiced labor specific movements, journaled, fear purging from 37 weeks
-Positive self talk and mindfulness- from Renée & the labor class we did together to prepare me
-Watched videos of birth and Business of Being Born
Sporadic: all thanks to Renée
-Spinning babies
-Body ready method
-Vbac link course online
A few quick notes: I told myself I had the intention of successful VBAC and that I WOULD do it, not try, just do. But I like intention vs goal because if I needed a section for any reason I was afraid of feelings of failure. When I was never a failure because I did EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to successfully birth this baby.
-Along my journey, I learned that to keep baby and myself most safe during a VBAC, I needed to have a drug free birth. As women, we are told how painful childbirth is. We are taught to be afraid of it. and I was for a bit of time. But I reminded myself- pain is TEMPORARY. Exercising is hard- but the pain is temporary, when I stop running the pain stops. So I treated this event as I was “going for a run, doing sprints/interval training but for hours like a marathon” . I ALSO FLIPPED THE SCRIPT. The contractions will be FORCEFUL because I grow such big healthy babies who need a lot of force to travel down the vaginal canal and come out! Birth is amazing and my body knows what to do. I had to trust it.
-Lastly, I kept my plan a secret from mostly everyone and definitely all to the end. EVERYONE has some shit to say. Based on the research I did, I knew I had to keep positive, encouraging feelings around me. I Couldn’t even hear something like “is that safe?” or “why do you want to do that?” or “ I don’t think you should” or “ why don’t you just schedule a section because you didnt birth successfully last time”. I care about what my family/friends think. I just couldn’t deal with explaining myself to anyone because they simply did not understand what its like to be me, my feelings, my why. I knew I had to give this everything I could, as you read in the WHY ;)
LABOR TIME:
Nov 8: 5am started having contractions.. but I was able to rest between and get up, walk lily to school. Breathe through them. They slowed, were various severity & time apart. The same thing happened with baby #2 so I figured this was promodal labor again and waited to see what happened. I walked, did my usual curb walking, miles circuit, ate my dates, even went to target. I picked up lily from school. Took a bath from 3-4pm, played puzzle game on my ipad. Texted Renée what was happening. Went to sleep just not sure how things would play out. Was hopeful things would progress but tbh I just wasn’t sure.
Nov 9: was able to sleep on and off.. around 1am things got more intense. I took a bath, I sat on the toilet backwards, took a shower. Whatever I could to get through it. Contractions were starting to become more consistent around 3-4am. Texted my doula Renée at 430am what was happening. I kept asking myself- is this real labor? Im not sure so let me just wait. I download the contraction app. Theyre like 5-10 mins apart, idk im just breathing through it and hoping I can have a vaginal birth.
630am comes around. My doula calls me and is coming and I texted my mom to help too. My husband gets the kids up and ready. Kids go to my in laws. My mom is rubbing my back. Renée arrives and it is a game changer. She helps me get control of my breath. Massages me, Essential oils- All the things to calm my body. We put on music. My favorite position was hands and knees on the physioball. Everything is good. Contractions picking up I know I have to get baby down more bc it was up higher. They’re about 3-4ish mins apart. Plan was to stay home as long as I possibly could. Bc I knew once I got to the hospital I would be pushed intervention (epidural, Iv, section). My husband was in the kitchen. We had spoken before that if he’s going to bring negative energy I couldn’t have that. So he politely removed himself and I had the support I needed from the doula and my mom. Although, my mother was a ball of stress. She was so worried and kept urging me to go to the hospital. I told her we will go when we’re ready, not going to have the baby on Hylan Blvd in the car.
So we’re going through some movements. I do a few contractions standing with my leg on a step. Then I come back down to physioball hands and knees. Renèe encourages me to try half kneel with right leg forward leaning on physioball. One contraction and I feel a pop! Immediately water gushes down my leg. That is what water breaking feels like!! We get upstairs, they help me change and we leave for hospital. Hospital is about 30-40 mins away at that time. Worst ride of my life. I couldn’t sit during contractions at home, NOR in the car. I wound up kneeling with my hands on the middle dashboard and knees where I should be sitting. People looking from their cars must have thought what the actual F. I also lost control of my breath by this time. So I’m squeezing the comb, singing, screaming- like legitimately screaming, at one point i was making goat sounds bc i felt like it. Nuts. My mom is crying in the background- chuck is driving silently trying to get to hospital as fast as he can. It was obscene. Things got really weird. But I was prepared for it- from the class I had with Renée I knew my mind would enter a different drug like state. Def felt like I was high on something.
Make it to the hospital like 1030/1040am. Of course there is construction so my husband has to drop me farther away. I can’t even walk 3 feet im leaning on the wall contracting. People looking at me. Im just praying please don’t let any of my old coworkers see me like this. It was a scene. They got me a wheelchair but the floor was brick. I couldn’t sit to begin with then he’s pushing me on the uneven surface. Hell no. I get up immediately after 3ft. Took like 10 mins to walk inside bc I had to stop every 40ft for a contraction. My moms freaking out. Renée found me and helped me with breathing that was better. Get to L&D. They’re all hurrying me along I’m like please don’t push me! they wanted me to get to the room before another contraction but contractions were coming so close by that moment. I get to the room, clothes come off. There were 12 people in the room. The anesthesiologist keeps asking me “do you want the epidural?” They’re putting the monitors on me and the IV. “Do you want a c section?” Literally I’m bombarded with questions & I can’t even think. Like I was outside of my body everything was a fog (drug like state). I knew this happened towards the end of labor I just didn’t think it would be at the end of labor already. I’m like give me a few minutes let me get through this contraction (but again so fast it’s hard to keep up). Dr checks me. I’m 9 CM! “But baby is so high up do you want a section” I don’t respond. I’m thinking I’m 9 cm I just need to get baby down. My whole body is shaking profusely. My doula reminds me it’s just hormones it’s ok. They’re all talking at me, saying baby’s heartbeat is dropping with every contraction. I respond “it’s a 9 lb kid in there of course that’s happening, just give me a second”. They’re like “do you want a c section? Epidural for insurance ?” I’m like “give me 5 mins pleaseee.” The nurse who I asked not to push me earlier is like “can we try a position with the ball?” I’m like “YES please!!!”. As I get into sidelying with knees together and foot on the ball (a position i know already to help bring baby down), the anesthesiologist is like- “can we do the epidural while you’re there on your side?” I’m like “not right now give me a minute please”. And then I get a feeling & scream “I have to poop!” So much pressure- from like everywhere (Later I realize this was the baby dropping down and head is in my pelvis). So I push in sidelying. Then they get me on my back and I’m screaming “I don’t like this position” (this is the position they put me in with my first baby that she never dropped -I was worried I was going to be stuck here for hours pushing). They’re trying to get me to grab my legs under my knees and flex and push. I’m like “I can’t even reach my legs”. Pretty sure I had hamstring spasms too. And it’s all happening so fast. Renée says “J breathe” and this is the breath needed to push baby Im thinking OMG its almost over baby is going to come soon!!!!!!! Then I hear my husband scream “push push!” Everyone is saying push!!. So I do,- Breathe in, breath out and push hard, like ive been practicing for months… praying I’m not pooping on everyone bc that’s what it felt like. And all of a sudden, I push, he comes out ALL AT ONCE. No getting stuck, no shoulders getting stuck. He like shot out- All 9lb and 5 oz of him!! I scream it’s a boy! Bc I see a little something between the legs- so I got to call the gender! They give him to me for skin to skin immediately. IV pitocin for the placenta- but the iv is kinked so they gave me a different shot to help it (was this necessary ? doubt it). Placenta came out so easy compared to the 9+ lb kiddo. Chuck cut the umbilical cord. I have baby boy on me for a few minutes it was beautiful. I feel the rooms energy change. They were all very anxious. Now everyone was relaxed. They take baby to clean him up and get vitals, doc stitches me up (ouch 2nd degree tear). Once that’s done I nurse baby for the 2 hours we stay in L&D. Renée stays with me and helps me nurse baby which was so amazing to have that support. Baby was a little purply-blue covered in white. The cord was like a rope. Im just in awe of the miracle of life- how this little person was created by me. The nurse calls me a strong woman for sticking to my guns/ how I handled everyone/ the situation during the delivery. She says she’s surprised my OB allowed the TOLAC. I said he didn’t, this was my choice.
Postpartum, James latched and nursed the best. He was my most active baby at the end and stays active to this day. I didn’t need the lactation consultant or PT after for tongue tie- which I’m sure all 3 of my kids have/had. I had Renèe help me initially and at our postpartum visit to discuss best positioning for ME and baby. My bond with this baby is different from the others. It is my favorite birth for sure and I am blessed to have had that golden hour. My healing was great. I forgot about the pain after a week, stitches and physical healing were fine- took like 2 weeks. My core has gotten back to normal I was able to get in/out of bed and sit/stand from a chair right away. Which was new for me and made me smile that I could handle all my kids because I didn’t have a surgery scar to slow me down.
What I’ve Learned
I did it. I got my vaginal birth I had wanted. I didn’t know how the story would end. I just knew I wanted a chance. I’ve learned there is SO SO much about birth. The way babies come into the world, the way different practitioners handle birth, the way hospitals and their policies have changed the way we birth bc of payment, litigation, etc. I’ve listened to many birth stories, listened to different providers share their insights, and done so much on my own to encourage this birth. I hired Renée, the doula who kept me calm and in control as best I could be. I believed in myself more than ever before. I knew this would give me the best chance possible to deliver a healthy baby the way I wanted.
Now in terms of mindset and dealing with some unsupportive immediate people around me.
-Doctor- my ob delivered all 3 kids. He allowed me to vbac with Charles. I thought he’d allow me to vbac again after some time, but he thought I’d change my mind and schedule the section. Every time I went to the doctor I left with anxiety and it took days to build myself up again. I had to change something. So on tues the 7th I went in with a different plan. I wanted to speak to him first (usually get checked first and discuss after). I apologized to him for “being difficult”. I let him know I respected him and loved him for bringing my other babies into this world safely. That what I was doing wasn’t a punishment, just that I felt I could do it and I wanted a chance- that I was doing a lot to ensure I would do this safely based on what I read was safe. We had an honest conversation. We agreed id come back Friday the 10th and I told him if I needed a section I would get it. I could tell he was more relieved and I felt better about the whole thing bc I felt I had him more on my side than against me. I had read about things holding you back from labor. Stories about women who did fear releases or had a conversation with a loved one who they needed support from- and then immediately went into labor. This visit with my ob was that- I was able to smile with him again and literally started labor the next morning… fastforward to labor: I called the office on the way to the hospital and of course he met me there. Not supportive at first, offering me the section and rolling his eyes. But I blocked him out. I knew I needed to focus on what I could control- my breathing, my attitude, my pushing. And when baby dropped I heard him say “ OK she wants to have a vaginal birth, lets have a vaginal birth”. Then baby came out. He stitched me up. All was good. He even came in special for me in the office the next week when I thought my uterus was prolapsing (turns out was nothing, just normal post partum stuff).
Doctors aren’t bad people. He wanted me to be safe, and baby to be healthy. He sees all kinds of horror stories, and he didn’t want that for me. So I understand where he was coming from. At the end of the day he was there for me and I appreciate him for that. Just if someone reading this is considering a VBAC- make sure you discuss what you want in early pregnancy and if you get any vibe that your provider isn’t supportive of it- switch providers. BC I promise you they will find a reason to section again. Look how many times they asked to give me a section in the 30 mins I was in L&D before baby came out.
-With my family, friends, even husband- I kinda told some people my plan here and there. But lets be honest- what I did was completely against the grain. NOONE does VBA2C. My husband thought I was going to die in childbirth. And based off what we were told, yeah it did seem like that. That is why I barely told anyone, and if I did, it was the week before I was due. I just didn’t talk about it with anyone- what I read was- you MUST surround yourself with support. Like labor can stop/slow/ not start if you feel a certain way based off of the energy/ sayings/ body language of people around you. AND I am that person who cares about what others think. I read body language for a living. I found support with a handful of people who supported me unequivocally. I got my mind SOLID. Like literally solid. I did a fear release on the 8th evening too- wrote down everything bad that could happen. Then I wrote everything good that could happen. You MUST get your mind right to prep for this.
What I hope for everyone
Even though there should have been more fear as this was my first vaginal birth, my history of2 c sections, my lack of support from providers, doubt from people around me I could do it, and a natural birth with no drugs and lots of pain… there was actually LESS fear. Bc I prepared, because I trusted myself. I got my mind set right and believed in myself. My ob jokes now and calls me the champion. LOL. I feel like a champion I have to be honest. I worked really hard, my baby and my body worked hard too. Im very proud of us and if I can do it, you can too.
For the reader: I just want to disclose, my story will NOT be your story. We are all different and I encourage you to prepare for ANY birth, listen to your practitioner and also look up things yourself. If you have any questions for me, I am here for it. If you want to talk birth, im here for it. I love birth now. I wish I had this experience 3x instead of 1. But you can’t go back. Can only do the best with the knowledge you have at the time.
My birth doula was the incredible Renèe from www.tribeofmine.com so check her out if you are in the tristate area =)
